Иностранный Юмор

[Nюшка*** 0]

Реальные истории, рассказанные моими знакомыми.

Канадцы о России

 

Одна канадская учительница -
Девушка из России -

 

Where’s your accent from?
Russia.
What part of Russia?
Siberia
Oh! I knew you are from Europe!
No, I’m not from Europe, I’m from Asia.
But you’re from Russia, right? That means you’re from Europe! Since Asia is a different continent.
Nooo, Asia and Europe are on the same continent, they’re two parts of a really big one, Eurasia. So I came from the Asian part of Russia.
Where did you learn your geography?
In a russian school, of course.
Well, that isn’t right at all! Sounds like they’ve taught you wrong!

[Nюшка*** 0]

Разговор в библиотеке с мол.человеком лет 18-20-ти...

 

- Where are you from?
- Russia.
- Oh... Russia... Russia... OOOH! You are lucky!!!
- Why?
- You speak German fluently!

 

[Natursha 0]

Well, that isn’t right at all! Sounds like they’ve taught you wrong!

[Natursha 0]

A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down. The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego?" "Sure," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift?" "Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back which have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo. They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me? I'll give you $100 for your trouble."
"I'd be happy to," said the blonde. So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde's car and carefully strapped into their seat belts. Off they went.
Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of San Diego when suddenly he was horrified!! There was the blonde walking down the street and holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd. With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the blonde. What the heck are you doing here?" he demanded, "I gave you $100 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo."
"Yes, I know you did," said the blonde," but we had money left over---so now we're going to Sea World.

[Sweetheart* 0]

Разговор в библиотеке с мол.человеком лет 18-20-ти...

 

- Where are you from?
- Russia.
- Oh... Russia... Russia... OOOH! You are lucky!!!
- Why? 
- You speak German fluently!
   

1130258[/snapback]

[Natursha 0]

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite
words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary.

 

Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked
and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.

 

Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."

 

John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued, "May I ask what the turkey did?"

 

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!